Thursday, October 18, 2012

Simon's Mom

Yesterday, a friend posted on Facebook asking what honorific title other people preferred they use, specifically asking ladies she knew.

I explained that I have used "Ms." since I could fill out my own forms and that it didn't matter much anyway as pretty soon, I'd just be "Simon's Mom" soon.

I think my tone came across incorrectly though because she posted that I wouldn't just be Simon's Mom and a few people "liked" that comment.

I grew up calling people's parents "[friendsname's Mom]" or "Mrs./Mr. [friendslastname]". Since my last name isn't the same as Simon's, I don't expect little kids to know it or for Simon to explain himself every time someone uses my husband's last name to address me.

I'm okay with being Simon's Mom. Making the commitment to try to have children with my husband made me realize that I'd be committing myself indefinitely to his family, a family that hasn't had a baby in over 18 years. I knew what this meant.

There are jokes made - a lot by one of K's uncles - about making sure that I'm greeted when we come to family functions. It's funny because there is a big ol' grain of truth in it. Simon is the main event and I can sit on the sidelines and watch while he interacts with my in-laws. I've never been much for being the center of attention and I certainly don't feel a need to compete for attention against my own son.

The "Simon's Mom" comment comes from a conversation I had with one of his aunts about how the shitty midwife I had commented on the fact that my last name is different than my husband and that it would cause difficulties with my son while he was growing up. She said that she was called [her kids names] Mom and that it really, really didn't matter.

I was around 6 months pregnant when I met this midwive her as I was doing what they call rotating through the roster. The comment pissed me off. I asked online if I was just being sensitive and I was asked how old she was. I can't imagine she was more than mid-40s so I didn't understand the comment. Maybe she was confused when I said "husband" after looking at my chart?

I kept my last name because I love it. It's not perfect and it doesn't go with many names. It is my mom's maiden name and when I was engaged, I told my husband I didn't want to take his last name and he was fine with it - he said if my last name would have gone better with his first name, he might even consider taking mine. We decided together that Simon would have his last name as it goes much better and I didn't want a hyphenated last name little kid. I don't think having a different last name puts Simon at a disadvantage. I grew up with my mom having a different last name and it was rarely if ever questioned and considering the amount of people who aren't married who have kids now, I'd imagine it is far more common and far less of an issue than shitty midwife wants people to think.

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